What's on in London: Daddy’s First Gay Date
A new play from Sam Danson.
Writer and performer Sam Danson is premiering his new play in London in October at Seven Dials Playhouse.
In Daddy’s First Gay Date we meet Ben, a man in his early 30s who, we join during one of the most eventful nights of his life - just as he builds up the courage to admit that he is questioning his sexuality and because of this, to end his heterosexual 15-year relationship; he finds out he's about to become a father. That same night, having bid a tearful goodbye to his ex-girlfriend, he embarks on his first-ever sexual encounter with a man.
The story follows Ben as he navigates the push and pull with Tim - a British-Jamaican man from London who finds himself in the same small northern town - veering between attraction, fear and curiosity as he stumbles through the complicated and unfamiliar rules of queer dating while carrying the new weight of impending fatherhood.
The play highlights the contrast between the idea of queer life in a big city and the reality of a place where gay men feel they must hide, or at least play down their identity in their daily lives. In a community where it is easy to feel like the only one, Ben has never met another openly gay man before he meets Tim. Tim, in turn, is one of the only Black men in the area, which brings its own challenges in dealing with the racial micro-aggressions that are never more stark than when living in a small – and very white – northern town. Both characters carry the weight of being outsiders, finding themselves isolated in sometimes different but equally defining ways.
Daddy's First Gay Date will run at Seven Dials Playhouse from 28 October - 16 November.
Sam Danson on How To Date Men
For our podcast, How To Date Men, we caught up with Sam Danson for a behind-the-scenes look at the play.
In the conversation, we talk dating differences, universal queer experiences, and the unique perspective of bisexual fathers.
Daddy's First Gay Date gives us the story of Ben. Ben is a character that has quite a bit going on in his life. What was your inspiration for this story?
I was with the director, Ricky, and we were talking about the difference in our dating lives - Ricky being a different generation to me, a different race, and growing up in a different area as well. We were just talking about our experiences and how they were different. I just immediately found that really interesting.
It's something that isn't talked about that much - the differences in the queer experience and queer dating.
I really wanted to tell a story based in a small town in the north. I think there's comedy there, and there's also a need to explore those different stories because it's very different when you grow up feeling like you may be the only queer person in a 50 mile radius - that can feel very isolating alienating.
One of the things that Ben is grappling with is that he is coming out of a relationship with a woman and this is his first date with a man. I was interested in terms of you talking about the differences that the play is exploring. What are some of the differences between dating a woman and dating a man that Ben is encountering in this experience?
One of the things he explores or mentions in the show is that when he's getting ready for this first date with a man, it feels exposing - it's worrying to go to the local pub and be sitting across another man and being on a date.
It's one of those where it's like, if you get really self-conscious about it, then you start spotting things that maybe aren't even there as well.
The man that Ben is on a date with is Tim. Tim is relatively comfortable with his queerness but he is also dealing with otherness - he's also a minority in this town?
That was what came from my conversations with Ricky - depending on your race, it could be a very different experience to go on dates.
When I'm doing a show where I'm exploring some of the variety within the queer experience, it couldn't be an all-white cast.
I was already aware of Dior, the actor who plays Tim - he's a theatre-maker himself and really, really talented and it just felt perfect to have him in because he's capable of doing comedy, the dramatic stuff, and really just owning the stage in general.
I cast him before writing that character so I could speak to him and speak about what his experiences were of dating - taking a general essence of what that is and applying it. So then it was authentic, but fictional.
It's my first time writing for other characters to this scale, but it's also my first time writing for characters so far from my own experiences.
You're talking about how important it is to bring the differences onto the stage and to explore and showcase different people's experiences of queerness. What are some of the universalities or the commonalities that you found through your development process?
One of the first things that comes to mind is the approach to casual sex - the idea not sleeping with someone on a date would just be weird. Queer people don't seem to go on formal dates like straight people do.
People also talked about having some form of negative experience in terms of being judged for not being skinny enough, tall enough, muscly enough.
One of the big things that Ben is dealing with in this play is fatherhood. I was just wondering if you could talk a little bit more about what the characters presented with, but also how that resonated through the research that you did and the perspective that you wanted to bring in terms of fatherhood in this play?
It's a narrative tool because it really raises the stakes of everything going on.
He finds out the day he leaves his partner is when he finds out he's going to be a father?
Yes, so he's already done the damage and said that he wants to break up and explained why and everything. And then then he finds out. That just adds this whole layer of extra layer of of chaos to everything.
In the end, it's just about accepting other people for who they are and just trying to make the best of situations.
I did some workshops a few years ago around bisexuality and there was a few people who were in relationships with someone of the opposite sex and they had a child and they felt like their sexuality disappeared from other people. I really wanted to look into that.
What do hope that people feel when they come and see Daddy's First Gay Date?
I want them to find it entertaining and funny. I think it's heartfelt and thoughtful and I also think there's awkward bits.
I just like to let the audience see which bits they relate to and if that's the same bits that their friends relate to or the partner relates to, and have a conversation about that.
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