Dating

When is the right time to move in with your boyfriend?

We take a look at how to tackle the big question of when to move in with the person that you're dating.

Gaydar

21 Sep 2025 — 3 min read

From spending more time together, to sorting through the junk mail and paying your gas bills, to sharing a bed and a wifi password. Taking the decision to move in together can seem like an important milestone in any relationship.

But - when it comes to making that kind of commitment - are queer men any different to straight couples?

Let's get into it.

When is the right time to move in?

There's no golden rule about this - you have to figure out what's right for you in the context of your relationship.

You need to be fairly sure that you're both ready to take the step of committing to live together. Whirlwind romances are fun, but if he's asking to move in after only knowing him for a couple of weeks, that seems like it's probably too soon.

Make sure that you've gone away on a mini-break together before you start having the "moving in" conversation. Unless you've travelled with someone, you don't really know them.

It's important that you're not talking about moving in together just because it's convenient for one of you. Just because his lease is up doesn't mean it's a good idea for him to move in with you.

You both need to want to move in together because you're ready to get a bit more serious about this relationship.

Make or break?

Living together is a very different ball-game from just dating. It generally either strengthens a relationship or ends it.

The thing about living together is that there's nowhere to hide. Your partner is going to see all of you - and vice versa. All the good bits and the bits you prefer not to show people - you can't edit yourself when you're living together.

Living together also brings with it domestic pressures. You're going to have talk about taking the garbage out, cleaning the bathroom, and paying the bills. None of that is sexy, but it's real and it's what's involved in living with someone.

How you and your partner respond to the challenges of living together is what will determine whether it's a move that will make or break you.

Being queer and living together

Where you live can also play a big part in shaping your experience of moving in together.

If you're in a queer-friendly part of the world or neighbourhood, that's going to be a lot more relaxed than if you have to pretend that you're just roommates.

It's worth checking out the local laws. You may want to register your relationship to give yourself some legal protections. In some places, cohabiting for an extended period of time can bring with it some rights and responsibilities - these can be particularly important if you separate and need to figure out who gets what.

It's never too early to get some help

If you are thinking about living together, investing in a bit of couples counselling is a really smart move.

Moving in together is a major change for your relationship. Having some designated time and space to talk about this should help to get any potential issues on the table and give you the tools to talk about them and resolve them together.

If you're already living together and are feeling like things are going off the rails, a few therapy sessions together might help you figure out what's working and what isn't working. If you're committed to the relationship, put some time and effort into ensuring that your foundations are solid.