Dating

Unlock the power of intimacy through massage

Oil up and let's get into it.

Gaydar

16 Jun 2025 — 5 min read

It's not new information that humans need touch. We're social creatures - numerous studies have shown that touch supports our physical and mental wellbeing, with benefits in reducing stress, as well as regulating heart-rate and blood pressure.

Touch helps us to connect with each other, it helps us form physical and emotional bonds. Touch helps us feel less alone and less alienated from the world around us. Touch reminds us that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that we are part of a community.

But our modern way of life limits our opportunities for touch. Many of us live by ourselves, we're not surrounded by an extended family, the majority of our interactions are online. There's also social pressures - systemic homophobia teaches men to fear touch, and the shift away from communal spaces such as locker-rooms limits our physical interactions with each other.

Sure, sexual encounters generally come with a fair bit of touch, but much of our sexual intimacy is transactional in nature, performative. We may be touching when we fuck, but are we allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in that moment? Are we allowing ourselves to be present and authentic? Hook-up culture teaches us that vulnerability is a boner-killer.

The solution? Massage.

There's obviously other solutions available - you could join a cuddle workshop, or sign-up for a tantric retreat. But massage is relatively accessible and an easy entry-point for upping the amount of touch in your life.

Financial pressures may be a barrier to getting regular massages. The price-list at your local day-spa positions massage as a luxury, something to treat yourself with when you deserve some pampering. But massages don't have to cost a fortune.

An easy starting point is to explore the world of massage exchange. There are bespoke platforms out there designed to bring guys together who want to give each other massages for free. You can also put some focus on creating your own local network of guys who you can trade massages with.

If you're exchanging massages for free, you don't need a lot of experience to get started - just plenty of oil and some enthusiasm will take you a long way. Second-hand massage tables are readily available or use a floor-mat to create a massage space. While watching a few YouTube tutorials will give you some basic techniques, learn from the guys that you're exchanging with - discuss what feels good, take their feedback on things you could do differently.

There's also numerous sites where masseurs advertise their services. Sites such as Rent Masseur enable you to search for professional masseurs near you, and you can browse the profiles of the guys, the services they offer, and the prices they charge. Because these masseurs are generally working from a massage space in their home, or coming to your home or hotel, the prices are significantly lower than the day-spa experience.

The reason that massage is an effective way to maximise the benefits of physical touch is because it enables structured intimacy. You both have a clear framework of how you'll get naked, how you'll navigate each other's body, how the boundaries are defined. It removes a lot of the guesswork and uncertainty that is inherent in anonymous hook-up encounters. Massage creates a road-map and a shared language through which you can confidently allow yourself to be vulnerable.

By seeking touch through massage as opposed to sexual encounters, you also don't need to navigate questions that you're not quite ready to address. For example, if you're not sure how to describe your sexuality, a man-on-man massage can simply be that. Or maybe you like having sex with men but aren't crazy about anal, a massage experience takes anal sex out of the equation without losing the sexual energy that can make a physical connection so powerful.

When was the last time you experienced the intimacy of touch?

Want to learn how to give an erotic gay massage?

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